Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
