wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
