Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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