Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
