Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
