I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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