Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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