You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
