Your face is a jimmy john
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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