we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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