Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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