I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am one with the molecules
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
