Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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