I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
