Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
