So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
