member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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