no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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