my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
