So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
