Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize