I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
