the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
