I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
