im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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