He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
