She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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