I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize