its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
