Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
