You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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