Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
