We're like a lot better than the average bears
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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