Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
