he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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