also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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