lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
