I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
