why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
