Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
