I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
