Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
