the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
