somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
