and you said cock pushups were impossible
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
