If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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