Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
