Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
