Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize