This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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