yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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