he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
