Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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