What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
