There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
