I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize