and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
