The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I believe in your delicious
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
