shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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