Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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