I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh god it's open bar.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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