also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
