did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
