After last night, I could never be a politician.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
