I think im going to throw up on grandma
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
